There are moments in every season that I learn something new about myself. This season was learning to be patient with myself. My training build up started in December and I was suppose to end my training cycle in May. If anyone knows me, especially my coach, I am one stubborn athlete and a dreamer. I want to pursue all my dreams now that I don't realize that my body can't compete at a high level every single race. There will be races that do not go according to plan but that is all apart of the process of becoming a better runner. At times, I feel myself being paranoid on my dreams that I forget to live in the present. During my training cycle, I found my self disappointed at times when I did not break my personal records which left me thinking about a lot of “what if’s”. While my coach wanted to end my season in May, I fought and convinced him that I cannot just stop. I kept dreaming and wanted to run faster and faster!!!! So I competed, competed and then competed again. Instead of being patient with myself, I found my self feeling off some days, crying on some runs due to feeling fatigue, and day dreaming to the unknown.
I try not to let running define me or the races I do or don't do. That is something that I am learning to do, especially in trusting the Lord that it is okay to have bad races. He repairs me over and over again, and I am reminded this season that disappointments are okay. I am not perfect. I will never be, but I can try to be a better me everyday by being patient with my body and mind.
I spoke to my coach after my last race that just ended in late July (Some images of the race are below). We agreed that I am not patient when it comes to being disappointed at races and looking for more races so I can be satisfied with myself. My coach said, I need to have a race schedule set for the Fall season and my season will end after the California International Marathon, no exceptions. He is absolutely right, I love racing more than ever but I need to understand when my season comes to a closing and it needs to come to an end, unfortunately, so I can train for the next cycle. I am excited to start training for CIM. There is truly a time and mental investment into racing a marathon. When you invest yourself into something you love, it finds a way to make a home in your heart. I am passionate about becoming the best marathoner I can be. Starting a new season and it will be full of new adventures, ups and downs, being more patient and pursing God’s heart for me.